What Wrestlemania Taught Us…

Jamie Lithgow

  • Pretty much nothing we did not expect.
  • To hate John Cena even more. Not because he won the WWE Title; we all expected that, and not because he didn’t turn heel; that was a pipe dream. We should hate him for ruining what little excitement there was during the main event by loudly and obviously calling spots on camera. He was caught on camera at least half a dozen times. Twice he had The Rock on his shoulders for an AA, when he knows that the hard camera will be focused on him, and what does he do? He blatantly says to The Rock “rock bottom”. This is why you were booed out of the building John, it’s not because you’re over pushed due to merchandise sales, it’s because you completely suck at the art of professional wrestling.
  • Wrestlemania was a good show, if you stop watching after The Undertaker’s match.
  • Yet again The Undertaker saved Wrestlemania for us wrestling fans. Once again he had the best match of the night, aided by an excellent performance by CM Punk. Granted, not much has to be done to get fans motivated for an Undertaker match at ‘Mania, but both Punk and Taker still had to get out there and capitalise on the situation.
  • Ryback is a spent force. In probably the only surprise of the night he lost cleanly to the abysmal Mark Henry. Here are the facts – Ryback has lost his last 7 PPV matches (i.e. since he stopped competing against jobbers) and his biggest scalps do date are The Miz, Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio.

    Ryback - not just a Goldberg rip-off

    Oi, Ryback. Get your own ring gear!

  • On the subject of Ryback, we all know that he is a Goldberg wannabe, but has anyone else noticed that he resembles another old WCW wrestler? Yep, his ring gear is not too dissimilar to that of Renegade, WCW’s Ultimate Warrior rip-off.
  • Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins are very orange. Believe in the spray tan!
  • How to book a Wrestlemania main event – join a bunch of rest holds together with punches and kicks, land about 4 finishing moves each (yours and your opponent’s) and kick out of everything before settling for an anti-climatic pinfall finish.
  • How to actually book a Wrestlemania main event – the heel should mock the babyface; both men should hit moves that we rarely see and thus are unsure of whether or not the recipient will kick out (say getting hit buy an urn for example); other avenues of victory outside of pinfall or submission should be explored; both guys should hit their finishers no more than twice; and the end of the bout should be obvious when it arrives, but not obvious as to who will claim it until the cover is made.
  • Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar was a rather drab affair, for which the crowd was largely silent. There was no lack of effort from either man, but I suppose that’s what happens when you televise the result by adding a ridiculous stipulation. The result was predictable to start with, but did anyone in the MetLife stadium, or at home, really believe that Triple H would retire last night?
  • Fandango looked really weak, even though he won. It was a one-sided affair until the dancer caught Jericho with a really messy inside cradle for the win. It felt like when a non-wrestler (i.e. manager, commentator etc.) is forced to face a wrestler but then ends up scoring the fluke win.
  • John Cena vs. The Rock III? No chance, not at Wrestlemania at least. They squeezed out a second match but this feud is finished. Had Cena turned heel on The Rock then a third encounter would have been set up nicely. As it is the Rock vs. John Cena cash cow has been well and truly milked. Bit of a shame really, had their post-match interaction been more acrimonious they could have set up a gimmick match at Extreme Rules. The Rock does have the right to a rematch and is being advertised for this show after all.
  • Sheamus, Randy Orton and The Big Show couldn’t get along as a team, what a shocker!
  • Jack Swagger didn’t win the World Heavyweight Championship. Does that mean his feud with Del Rio is over and he’ll be getting suspended or fired now? It would only be fair. I mean RVD received a suspension after he was arrested for the same offence in 2006, and he was the WWE and ECW Champion at the time.

One thought on “What Wrestlemania Taught Us…

  1. Pingback: Wrestlemania 29: The hits and the misses | Ring the Damn Bell

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