This is the 3rd and most likely final edition of the WTF (Wrestling’s Terrible Failures) It involves ultra bad gimmicks and storylines that should have never seen the light of day from bookers, promoters and creative writing teams. You can read part one here and part two here.
The Penis Envy Gimmick
For whatever reason, there is a history of promoters love affair with the double entendre of penis related gimmicks. Whether they are really bad inside jokes or just plain lame sophomoric humor…penis gimmicks have sadly…been a part of the pro wrestling landscape. Never more so than during the late 1990’s and early 2000’s of wrestling…
1. The Dicks
This was simply a gimmick that wanted to use the slang in this most obvious way. A couple of pseudo Chippendale dancer like wrestlers named Chad and James Dick. They didn’t last but a couple of months in the WWE.
2. The Johnsons
If you have a pair of Dicks…why not have them go against a pair of wrestling condoms?!? Well, that’s what the TNA tag team of the Johnsons looked like anyway. They were named Richard aka Dick and Rod Johnson….get it…Dick and Rod? They wore flesh colored spandex and masks to even try and make them appear as wrestling penises. They lasted all of one or two shows before TNA threw them in the trash.
3. “Big” Dick Johnson
Loved by some and hated by others….the gimmick of an overweight male stripper named ‘Big’ Dick Johnson was seen sporadically on WWE television. In reality, it was former creative writer Chris DeJoseph and no…the idea wasn’t his….it was Vince McMahon’s.
Of course I would be remiss if I didn’t at least mention Big Dick Dudley. The thing is, his name and character fit in perfectly with the style and aura of ECW…so no, it wasn’t bad…just mentioning him.
Racist gimmicks and angles have also been a part of pro wrestling’s illustrious history…..some have worked better than others….but for the most part…some were used to generate cheap heat to rile up fans. Either way, I seriously doubt we will see these type of angles and gimmicks in a more PC world. For a better understanding of racism and stereotypes in wrestling I suggest reading Craig Wilson’s excellent piece on this blog.
1. The Storm Trooper
This gimmick had been around for years before it made it to Smoky Mountain Wrestling. In fact, Tim Fry oringally used the gimmick in the late 80s and wrestled for Continental Championship Wrestling. Pictured above portraying the gimmick is Chris Powers, a long time wrestler from Knoxville.
2. Yoshi Kwan
Ah yes, Yoshi Kwan…a Caucasian wrestler named Christopher Smith who dressed up in Asian inspired attire and make up to make his eyes appear “slanted.” Imagine a gimmick like that being allowed in this day and age. Granted, Caucasians playing different ethnicities is nothing new….Chief Jay Strongbow…anybody? I guess WCW didn’t know how to get in contact with REAL Asian wrestlers so they just manufactured one. The person I really feel sorry for is Harley Race…who had to manage this individual.
3. Black face Roddy Piper
The less said about this stunt the better…but it certainly and legitimately angered a few folks including Bad News Brown..an African American wrestler and Piper’s opponent during this angle. Piper, who is a true legend was never a stranger to controversy.
4. Col DeBeers Vs. Jimmy Snuka Feud
In the mid 1980’s, Col DeBeers started a very controversial feud with Jimmy ‘Superfly’ Snuka. The basis for the feud was Snuka’s Polynesian background. DeBeers refused to wrestle Snuka because of the color of his skin. This was the AWA of course and the company went under just a couple of years later.
5. Akeem the African Dream
A white guy acting black…..yep.
Eating a Dog and the ‘Kennel from Hell’ match
A really, really baaaaaad storyline involved Al Snow and the Big Bossman. The Bossman kidnaps Al Snow’s dog Pepper….he eventually wants to make peace with Snow so he invites him over for dinner. The meal he fed Al Snow was his own dog Pepper. That’s right…Bossman murdered a dog, cooked it and fed it to its owner….ah the Attitude Era.
The payoff to this horrible feud was a match called a ‘Kennel from Hell’ match. It was basically a Hell in the Cell match but as an added bonus….another cage…a 1980’s WWF style cage inside the Cell. Surrounding that cage would be a pack of vicious Rottweilers. It all sounded cool on paper…but the match was a complete clumsy mess…fans were bored and the dogs were too busy peeing to be vicious.
Sting Gets A Blood Bath And Then Doesn’t Shower in A Few Days
Keep in mind, this was WCW in its waning days in 2000….but a feud between Vampiro and Sting sounded pretty solid. On Monday Nitro, Vampiro shocks Sting by giving him a blood bath…
That Thursday on WCW Thunder…Sting came to the arena…still amess and drenched in blood. So we now know that Sting doesn’t wash himself on a daily basis…at least in the eyes of WCW creative…
When Sunny split off from the Bodydonnas (Skip and Zip) the duo went on a “nationwide” search for a new manager. Instead of finding a woman to play the role…the WWE decided to go the “comedic” rout and have a male portray a female and named her/him ‘Kloudi.’ In reality, Kloudi was played by wrestler Jim Heany AKA Handsome Jimmy Shoulders…a real life good friend of Chris Candido. (Skip) His character went nowhere and never got over with fans.
Kamala….You Are A Man!
We wrap up this “final” edition of WTF with the angle involving manager Slick (Now turned babyface) trying to “civilize” the Ugandan beast Kamala. A series of vignettes aired where the now Reverend Slick took Kamala to a fancy restaurant and bowling. Slick would even get try to get Kamala to speak and had the fans chant along with him…”YOU ARE A MAN!” The payoff…well, there was no payoff because Slick left the WWF and Kamala went to WCW where he was a savage once again.