Padraic Toolan, Lowlife Louie Ramos and Brian Damage
This week’s Mount Rushmore will be the top heels of all time. Remember, you can only choose your top four greatest heels of all time to be on the mountain. So who do you have as the greatest heels ever? The ones that made you boo, jeer, pay to see get beat up etc, etc. These are all personal choices so let’s see what you can come up with.
This is the hardest one yet to narrow down to four. I narrowed my long original list down to 15. Seven of those were dropped in the first round of cuts: Ric Flair, Rick Rude, Randy Orton, Macho Man, Sherri Martel, Larry Zbyszko, and Baron Corbin. Then I had to cut my remaining list of eight in half. The four amazing heels who certainly deserve to be on any heel Mount Rushmore but didn’t make mine: Hollywood Hulk Hogan, JBL, HHH, and Curt Hennig. The four survivors, the four best at being bad, my heel Mount Rushmore:
WWE fans hate part-timers, they hate wrestlers who limited move sets, they hate wrestlers who are shoved down their throats, and they hate wrestlers who never lose. More than anything, they hate wrestlers who have disdain for them and don’t show passion. Brock Lesnar is all of the above. He doesn’t give a shit what people think about him. He is incredibly good at being a guy who doesn’t give a shit about wrestling, acts like he can do what he wants, and only does 2-3 moves to continue to earn the fans’ disdain. You constantly want to see him lose, you want to see him knocked off his pedestal, you want to make Paul Heyman shovel shit into his mouth and disappear. He shows up when he feels like, wrestles when he feels like it, talks when he feels like it, and takes his ball and goes home when he feels like it. It’s hard to get real heat in this era of the “cool heel” and kayfabe being mostly dead, but Lesnar has perfected getting heat no matter what. It’s also why Corbin almost made my list, because he’s another guy who doesn’t try to do anything else but get heat.
Already a terrific heel who you knew you hated within 30 seconds of seeing him and within 5 seconds of him opening his mouth, beating the shit out of women is what got him a place on my Mount Rushmore. He’s a hell of a wrestler, and he knows how to make it look real good and stiff in the ring, and he seemed to go EXTRA hard against the women he faced leading up to his Intercontinental Championship defense vs. Chyna. Also, a la Marc Mero, nothing got a heel more heat than taking a set of tits away from them. When he would send Debra away, or say “no puppies tonight”, the crowd went crazy with boos. From Double J the country star to Jeff Jarrett the woman beater to Planet Jarrett in TNA, he just always knew how to be hated, and it was so satisfying when he would get his ass kicked, especially when it was in embarrassing fashion.
Angle found a niche in the Attitude Era by being an American hero who didn’t drink or swear. In the 1980s, Angle would be up there with Hulk Hogan. But in 2000, opposite the beer-drinking, foul-mouthed Steve Austin, arguably the biggest star in WWE history, Angle was exactly the opposite of what the fans wanted, and it resulted in one of the greatest heel characters of all time. He’s one of the toughest men to ever lace up a pair of boots, and one of the greatest, if not THE greatest ring technicians ever. He still acted like a chicken shit, complained and made excuses, and berated the fans for not worshipping him and not living up to his “Three I’s”. He had incredible charisma, a willingness to humiliate himself, and the ability to wrestle circles around anyone.
I can already hear the reaction to people seeing him on my list: “Aw, son of a bitch!” That swagger man, that swagger. You just wanna punch him in the face. He tried to reign in Stone Cold. He made Sable come to the ring in a burlap sack. His back-and-forth with the fans is the fans chanting “asshole” and him screaming at them to “shut up”. Anything the fans wanted, he would take it away. I don’t think there’s any figure in wrestling history that people wanted to see get their ass kicked more than Mr. McMahon, and Stone Cold constantly obliging them was a huge reason for the WWF overtaking WCW in the Monday Night Wars. He had the willingness and desire to make himself look like a complete jackass on national TV, and we’ve always been told that he never asked any wrestler to do anything that he wouldn’t do himself. We saw that time and time again with the matches he was in and the beatings he took. I don’t think anyone has ever loved to be hated more than Mr. McMahon, and he’s one of the best ever at it.
Without a great heel, a face is just a regular guy..
Honorable mention…Bobby Heenan, Triple H, ECW Raven, The Dudley’s, Jerry Lawler, Iraqi Sgt Slaughter, Abdullah the Butcher..
4) Ric Flair
Even though he worked on both sides of the fence, heel Nature Boy was truly one of the greatest bad guys of all time. Brash, arrogant, obnoxious. A cocky trash talking chicken $&!# that would have his running buddies bail him out when things got tough. Flair pushed all the right buttons to get the fans riled to near riot levels..
3) Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase
What can we say here. A millionaire snob, who claimed everybody has a price. DiBiase would make fans grovel and beg for a crispy Ben Franklin..He robbed a child that was bouncing a ball so we all hate him more. He tossed everyone out of a pool so he could have it for himself. And he went as far as to try to (and almost) buy the WWF championship, something unheard of until then.
2) The original Sheik
Fear is the operative word here. Sheik would strike fear in his opponents before the bell even rang ,and would terrorize fans as he made his way to the ring. Sheik would wrestle way into his 60s .His last run in Japan with FMW was full of insanity and mayhem, which included the most insane fire match of all time.
1) Rowdy Roddy Piper
During the rock and wrestling era, which spawned the 1st Wrestlemania, Piper was the catalyst of evil.He attacked singer Cyndi Lauper and her Manager. Brutalized Capt Lou Albano. He wrestled Hulk Hogan for the championship at the war to settle the score . At the main event of Mania 1 he would leave his partner Mr Wonderful Paul Orndorff behind. He assaulted preliminary talents, he battered Superfly Snuka with a coconut, he ridiculed Bruno Sammartino..he shaved a little person’s head and antagonized fans like no other. In my opinion the best heel of all time.
‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper
Roddy Piper, to me was the consummate heel wrestler. Oh sure, he had a few babyface runs, but nobody was better at playing a heel and drawing heat than the ‘Hot Rod.’ From smashing coconuts over Snuka’s head, to cutting the Haiti Kid’s hair or smashing a gold record over Lou Albano’s head…Piper was a heel’s heel. He didn’t need titles to make him so hated, he had the gift of gab and could talk his way into fans and wrestlers alike hating him.
I was torn to add McMahon as a heel on Mount Rushmore, but the fact that he was the top heel during one of the most financially successful eras in pro wrestling needs to count for something. Vince was and is a natural heel because people hated him long before he was ever a character. Love him or hate him, Vincent Kennedy McMahon knows how to anger fans both as a character and a promoter.
‘The Nature Boy’ Ric Flair
Ric Flair is another great example of a great heel. He was flashy, arrogant and almost always backed up his braggadocios words. Fans loved to hate the Nature Boy. Women wanted to be with him, while the men paid to see him get his butt handed to him. He lived his gimmick, which is almost non existent in this day and age. Flair was in my book, one of the all time great heels in wrestling history. Just remember, his shoes cost more than your house! Wooooo!
Tully has got to be on my list of heels. He is known by many fans as a tag team wrestler with Arn Anderson…but Tully could have easily been a world champion himself. He was that good as both a wrestler and as a talker. From his bloody wars with Magnum TA and Dusty Rhodes…to his slapping of Baby Doll. Tully was a true heel through and through and often gets overlooked.